What are you missing?

Happy June and happy Tuesday 💕

Can you believe that we're here already?! It's the very beginning of a brand new season, Winter here for the Aussies, and as such, a critical time of reflection, turning inward, hibernating, and resting. The seasons aren't just there for nature- as human beings we're actually biologically programmed to move with them as well, even though it's not as essential now that we have heating and cooling and all of the modern protections against the elements.

I've been spending some time along the coast, 3 nights at Claireview right on the water, and then up in Mackay since Friday visiting some family and enjoying the sunshine. Over the last few days I've realised the importance of making sure that ALL of our needs are met, not just the basic ones like food and water that we take for granted every day. I've had a little readjustment of priorities and a reminder of the importance of family.

In the 1940s, American psychologist Abraham Maslow, proposed that all humans have five levels of needs, and they work in a very specific order. The diagram is below, but essentially you need your basic needs to be met, before you can evolve to the next stage of psychological needs, and then onto self-fulfilment. I've been thinking quite a lot about this the last few months that I've been travelling, because the majority of the time is spent on my own and it can be days, or even weeks before I have a physical face-to-face conversation with another human being.

I spent a lot of time with my family when I was living at home, and I often got my connection and a feeling of love and belonging from them, as well as friends, and even students I saw and taught every day at school. Although I've been single and lived mostly on my own for the last decade or so, I have always been blessed with plenty of people around who I cared for, and who in turn cared for me.

One of the parts of solo travel that is so enticing is our ability to forget who we are in the face of the ones we love, and to reinvent ourselves for who we wish to be, not who we have always been known as. This is a pivotal year for me, and I can't deny that it was a little exhilarating and scary to leave everyone behind so that I could pivot, grow, evolve, and transform without worrying about other's opinions. I'm doing a lot of self-development, I'm taking some risks, both business and personal, and I'm enjoying finding myself again: who I am, what I stand for, what my values are, what I truly desire in life, what and who I love. That has been at the top of my mind since I left.

It's taken me a lot of years to learn how to love my own company. For most of my twenties, it felt scary and confronting and frankly damn uncomfortable to be on my own for an extended period of time. The best I could do was a 90 minute bath, and even then I usually had loud music or a movie playing on my laptop, and a couple of glasses of wine to 'wind down'. I had music playing constantly in the house and never sat alone with my thoughts; I even stopped drawing because that felt like it wasn't 'busy' enough to keep my brain occupied. Time on my own meant thinking... and thinking meant feeling... and feeling meant assessing... and assessing meant reflecting and that, I did not want to do. When you truly reflect on who you, where you, and why you're there, you realise you have nobody else to blame for your situation, your character, and your relationships except for yourself.

This spending time on my own thing is a still a bit of a work in progress- sometimes in the evening silence I'm tempted to call my family and chat to them while I watch the sun falling below the horizon. But I know the feeling of uncomfortability is temporary now, and I've done a lot of work learning how to accept and process my emotions in the moment if they do arise while I'm reminiscing.

Why did I bring up Maslow's Hierarchy and why should you care? Because truthfully it really fascinates me. I've used it for several years in the classroom, explaining how characters in narratives are fundamentally stuck at that level until they resolve their 'missing' needs. I would hazard a guess that most of have at least our basic needs being met daily: food, water, shelter, rest, safety. The next level, our psychological needs, is where a lot of us are navigating in our lives: belongingness, love, intimacy, connection, accomplishments, and self-esteem. This is where I am currently, somewhere halfway between balancing my need for self-esteem and connection.

The last week with family has been so good for my soul. I spent all day Saturday at Bredl's Wildlife Park, cuddling koala's, echidna's and even some snakes. I spent time with the girls and we got late night ice-creams and walked around downtown Mackay. I had a beach walk and brunch with my aunty and uncle Sunday and enjoyed reading a book stretched out on the comfort of their couch with the scent of the lamb roast baking in the oven. And you knowwww I've enjoyed the long hot showers and clean sheets 😉

But above all of that, it has been so nourishing to be around family. To have deep and meaningful conversations. To relax in silence without feeling the need to fill the silence. To have my uncle teasing everyone mercilessly. To have that intimacy and connection that comes after knowing each other for most of our lives.

It's given me the headspace to think about what direction I'd like to go in next, and what I need to do to reach that next, ultimate level of the hierarchy: self-fulfilment. By acknowledging where I am, I can see exactly what steps are needed to get to the next goal. Much like inputting a destination in your GPS, you need to know your starting point and work on the destination directions from there.

It's always so helpful to have a little reset like this: it gives you the opportunity to assess what's working, what's missing, and what's needed in your life. I know that when I'm feeling uncomfortable, or when I feel like I'm missing something but I'm not sure what, I can return to this hierarchy to make sure that I'm ticking off all the essential needs first and then work my way up from there.

This was an important reminder to myself, that I can't get to where I'm going without having a feeling of belonging and connection first. By nurturing my relationships and feeling like I have a sense of belonging, I can go so much further than trying to do it by myself:

✅ Cuddles with a koala (animals count on the cuddle scale!)

✅ Conversations about life and family

✅ Cooking and laughing in the kitchen

✅ Rest and relaxation in a safe space

✅ Belonging to a group

Check in with yourself and assess how the first 5 months of your year has felt for you: were you missing something critical in the basic needs section? Were you trying to skip a level and struggling to gain traction without knowing why? Maybe you have no idea where you are, or what you're looking for but you just feel 'stuck' 🤯

This period of reflection can be so incredibly important. I'll be back out on the road in a couple of days, and I know that I'll be taking this reminder to heart and making sure I contact family and friends more often to chat. I also know that I'm feeling really lit up and inspired again about my travel and my business, after a really slow period where I started to feel frustrated and restless. Sometime we all need a little break so we can reflect and rewrite our game plan: our needs change as we grow and evolve so it's important we take the time to recognise and appreciate that.

With a heart full of love and gratitude, I wish for a moment of sunshine and happiness, rest and reflection for each of you. Remember how difficult it is to program a GPS without your starting point... make the time to check on where you are, and where you want to be heading.

Much love,

Haley 🤍

P.S. If you have realised that you have a lack of something in your life and you're not sure how to rectify it, please reach out to me! I'm always open in my DMs, via reply email, or for a free discovery call if you'd like to chat about your situation. It can be hard when you start checking in with yourself, especially if you don't have a community of like-minded souls around you, but stick with it, and honour what your body tells you that it needs xx