We all have lessons to learn

This message has really come up for me in several different ways this week. I needed to hear it. And I feel really called to share it here with you too, because I feel like you need to hear it as well.

When we have tragedy and trauma in our lives, or difficult periods of transition particularly from childhood into adulthood, it can be easy to wonder why this has happened to us. What makes us so unique, or even so unlucky that we had to experience this when plenty of other people around us have it so much easier?

Heartbreak, loss, a violation of our right to be loved and heard by those closest to us... these are our lessons in life. Now I don't pretend to know all of the answers, but I've spent hundreds of hours driving these lonely roads this year and the question that I keep returning to over and over again is what is the point of our lives here on this planet? Not in a depressing-why-am-I-even-alive kind of way, but in an existential-how-can-I-fulfill-my-purpose kind of way.

I had a beautiful conversation last week with a loved one and tried to explain my philosophy to her. I don't know if I did a very good job being put on the spot, but for what it's worth, after some reflection, I have arrived at my answer.

My answer is a mixture of my own personal reflections, experience, intuition, spirituality, metaphysics, esoteric and religious beliefs. I don't know where you stand on these topics. It doesn't really matter. What is important here is the message:

You were not born into this life by accident. I believe there are no random incidents. Your soul knew exactly what it was in for before it accepted the assignment to come into this life as YOU. Into your body, into your family, into your exact life situation. Our souls are the part of us that are so unique, our upbringings, our life experiences, our lives could not alter it. It is the essential element that makes you who you are.

Every single situation that you go through is your unique lesson to learn- if you are brave enough to learn it. What you choose to do with this lesson then becomes your mission, your purpose, your dharma.

If you choose to do nothing with it, nothing happens. I don't believe that you go to hell, or have to suffer in purgatory. But I do believe the entire purpose of the human race is about learning these lessons and progressing. When we are courageous enough to accept our life situations as lessons, heal and learn from them and eventually teach them to others, we help heal the collective humanity.

There's tremendous power in reframing your heartbreak and your situation as a victim, into a powerful lesson for others to learn from. How you choose to do this is completely up to you. I have clients who have healed from deeply traumatic childhood experiences, and vowed they would raise their children in a healthier environment. I have clients who are creating their own businesses as a way of giving back to others what they wish they had themselves. I have clients who are doing BIG things with their message, and some who are focussed on creating small, everyday habits to make somebody else feel loved in all the right ways. All of these lessons are valid and just as important as each other. I can't think of any more worthy way to live your life 🤍

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I often talk about 'doing the work' and I hear it so often within my conversations with others as well. We are all so adamant about the work that we're doing, and how self-aware we are, but we often forget that this life is one big continuous lesson that we must keep learning from and growing with.

A plant does not reach the halfway point, sprout one leaf and then decide that is enough work to do, thank you very much. It must keep growing for the entirety of it's life cycle in order to survive, and even to dare to thrive. Some seasons will certainly have more growth than others, and some seasons will see that little plant slow down, but in every single case, the plant must continue to grow. Forging it's path in the garden and taking cues from the lessons that it learns- it will grow to face the sunshine and send creepers out to multiply when the season starts to warm, and it will shrink and curl in on itself to avoid the frost. But it does not stop halfway and remark that it is self-aware and knows how to grow now, so it doesn't need to continue any more.

It's rare that our journeys are linear and even rarer that we escape this life without any hardship. Some of us have bigger lessons to learn than others. Some of us are braver in our quest to learn from them than others. But what matters is not the progress of those around you, but your own progress. It can be slow, it can be internal, it might not look like much to anyone else; the important thing is that you keep growing and learning and passing that knowledge onto those lucky enough to fall into your orbit.

I had a realisation yesterday, about all of the lessons that I have had to learn the hard way over the last 31 years. Some of them have been harder experiences than anyone should ever have to deal with, and some of them have been immediately obvious and clear lessons for me. But every single one of them has led me to this point of life.

A life where I get to help other people feel heard and seen, to understand themselves on a deeper level, to heal their own relationships, to help them find their purpose, to pass on my own knowledge and experience and love. A life where I get to travel to new destinations every day and make plans with my family for Christmas, and swim in blue waterholes and climb red escarpments and marvel at this beautiful life that I am so lucky enough to experience.

I thought I was self-aware before. I thought I was getting 'help'.

I thought I was studying self-development. I thought I knew exactly what all my shortcomings and flaws were. I figured I could solve them all, that I should be able to solve them all on my own, because I knew what they were. But what I had to realise was that knowing, and doing, are two different things. I can see the fiddle leaf plant dying slowly in the corner, but just knowing about it doesn't make me a sudden expert on plants. I need to call in somebody who actually knows what they're looking for, who knows how to help cut off the dead parts that are inhibiting growth, and encourage the plant to thrive again.

Your subconscious mind holds all of the answers and all of the lessons that you need. It stores every single memory and emotion that you've ever experienced. It knows which ones to lock away for safe-keeping, and which ones to loop over and over in your mind because they fit the story that you have created about your situation and those memories and emotions feel 'comfortable' and 'familiar' now.

If you want to cut off the dead stuff, encourage new growth and learn your lessons, you need to start there in your subconscious mind. The same feelings will continue to play in a loop until you learn from them. Your purpose here in this life is so much more important than just looping the same shit on repeat everyday and hoping blindly for a better outcome.

I believe in the power of the lesson, and in your ability to confront it and learn from it. It might not be easy, but it will be worth it ✨