The Self-Development Ick

I'm currently sitting in the sun, drinking an afternoon cuppa, eating leftover wedding cake, and feeling super #blessed to be spending this week in Tamworth on my dear friend's property. I am gatecrashing their 'honeymoon' week to spend some time with them before I head North chasing the warmer wind. The view here is absolutely stunning as you can see above (in my one photo from Saturday night 😅).

When we first met as teachers about five years ago, I never could have imagined that I would be sitting here, celebrating his wedding. Neither of us are the same people anymore, but that's what makes our friendship so strong: there's space to grow and respect for each of our values. Our lives almost never take the trajectory that we thought they would, and it's one of my favourite things about this life... it simultaneously feels like yesterday and also a lifetime ago that we were running amuck at the races and playing shot Jenga together at 4am. Not much has changed, and yet everything has changed: we both enjoy just as many rums and a dance under the stars, but the hangovers have definitely increased in severity #battlingfor2daysnow

An added bonus this weekend, was being able to catch up with all of their families and friends and chat about life. We had nothing to do between meals except for sit and enjoy each other's company over a cuppa or a beer. It's so fascinating to hear other people talking about what lights them up, what they're currently focussing on, and how they perceive the world. When you listen with an open and curious heart, the most amazing conversations can unfold and teach you a beautiful new perspective.

The most unassuming cowboy will chat to you for hours about the self-development podcasts that he listens to as he works all day, and others will roll their eyes when I chat about what I'm doing now as a life coach. It was also an opportunity for me to really get to own this new business of mine, as most of my family and friends have been following along on this journey for awhile, and to try and explain what I do in a succinct way that makes sense for those outside of this field.

An interesting thing happened though: as soon as you mention anything self-development people seem to have a very strong opinion about whether they're all for it, or whether they think it's complete bulls*%t 😎 And I get that totally, because I used to have the exact same reaction.

I was always interested in the mind, and how our attitude shaped out beliefs, and how strongly our words can affect our reality... I saw it every single day in my students. I have taught over 1000 teenagers in the last decade; see the post below for evidence- I posted it in 2019!

But I also used to cringe whenever I heard or saw somebody identify with the title 'self-development'. Partly this was due to my own ignorance, I didn't understand what it was and it felt threatening or uncomfortable to me. I used to to believe that it meant they were up-themselves, or that they thought they knew more than anybody else and had put themself on a pedestal. I'm not sure where these beliefs even came from. It probably came up somewhere in high school as we fought to look 'cool' and therefore had to remove our effort from the equation in order to look 'dumb'.

But why is it that we shy away from the idea of self-improvement? This is so nuts to me now 🤯 The only thing that we come into this world with is our minds, and it's the only thing that we have right up until the day we die. Everything else might leave us, we might have accidents and lose other parts of ourselves, but our minds will prevail right to the end. We literally cannot control any other aspect of our lives, so it makes sense that we should try and make our mind the best that it possibly can be, right?

Like starting a new job, a new relationship, or a new adventure in life, there are going to be moments where you have to admit to your ignorance about the topic in order to ask how? This is how we learn, and young children are really bloody great at it. But somewhere around the age of seven, we actually become conscious of how other people perceive us, and what others think about us, and then we start reigning in our questions and our curiosity.

We essentially stop learning.

We become too afraid to admit our ignorance and we become to afraid to fail at something new, so we don't even try. And worse yet, when we inhibit our own growth and curiosity we signal to others that we don't value growth or learning, and it creates a ripple effect in society.

I had one person very close to me who fought to learn more about self-development, and who really encouraged me to start my journey with it. They never backed down from it, even when I was derisive or apathetic in the face of their encouragement. They knew how much it had done for them, and they fought for me to find that freedom as well.

Here's the thing: A dark room is full of terrors, real or imagined, for everyone. And the longer that you sit there and think about it, the worse it gets. You start hearing noises and imagining them coming straight for you. Your fears come to life in your head. But if you were to take a torch, muster up your courage and shine it right into the room, you might find that it's not half as bad as you think. It might be full of a lot of junk that other people have left there over time, junk that creates shadows and takes up valuable space, and there might be some spiders or other foul creatures lurking there that you need to eliminate. But overall, you can see what you're working with to create some plans moving forward: you enter courageously and work hard to ultimately free up the space, make it a little more welcoming and enjoyable for yourself, and put your fears and imaginations to rest.

That dark room that you're refusing to go into right now is your mind. The clearing out of junk is other people's opinions. And the work you need to do is self-development.

Everybody has a dark, spooky attic. It's your decision whether you acknowledge it, clean it up and double your value, or roll your eyes and cringe like you were back in seventh grade.

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Last week I hit the road, and it was amazing and liberating and all of the things all at once. I sang, I listened to some saved podcasts, and I got excited about catching up with friends on the other end of the trip. My first night was less than smooth however... when I arrived at Jennings on the QLD/ NSW border, I realised that my solar system wasn't charging from the alternator (it's supposed to charge as I drive- and in gloomy weather this is superrr important so I can keep the power on!). That should have been an easy fix, or at least easy enough to check on, except that my new cabinetry completely boxed in the electrical system and I found I couldn't access it. Some tears were shed, dinner was hastily made and then eaten from bed where I collapsed, and I had an early night.

Most things seem better in the morning after a good night's sleep, and this was no exception. It was disappointing, because it was working when I purchased the van and had somehow suddenly stopped working for reasons unknown. However, it's going to be fixable and my good mate loves working with cars so fingers crossed we can get to the bottom of it this week while we've got some downtime on the farm.

I have quite a few work calls, admin tasks and general study that I am going to catch up on this week, and then we're heading off to a horse cutting show this weekend. After that, I'll be on my lonesome roaming around the countryside picking my destination on a whim. I can't wait, but I'm also eternally grateful for this opportunity to be present here with the people that I love, professing their love for each other.

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I hope your week includes courage and strength to shine a torch onto some of those dark places, love for and from the people around you, and some form of growth because you're never too old to humbly admit your ignorance and learn something new ✨

Haley 🤍

P.S. If you think there's somebody in your life who could benefit from this message, please feel free to share it with them, or take a screenshot to share a bit of it on your social media and make sure you tag me 🤍

P.P.S. The big van reveal is live on my Instagram and my Facebook- make sure you check it out if you haven't already seen it!