The secret to getting your man on board...

Whether it's your partner, your son, your father, you are a man, or even you're stuck too much in your masculine energy...

I've worked with hundreds of young men as a teacher over the years, and in all my management and coaching roles in the football club. I specialised in teaching young men who were struggling to fit into the normal expectations of school life... in other words, I became the naughty boy teacher.

I watched the way boys interacted with each other, I watched the way they interacted with me, their parents, and even the way they interacted with themselves.

And all young men have this one thing in common... they are completely unwilling to admit to any weakness or vulnerability in front of each other, and even to themselves.

A lot of women get so off track with their partners and their young men because they try to convince and cajole them to do whatever has worked for women... and mostly, that looks like talking it out, validating our feelings, acknowledging all the things we've had success with in life so far.

But men are inherently different. And that's actually a good thing.

The universal law of polarity means that we NEED men to be different to us: we need their hardness, their decisiveness, their leadership, their protection so that we can soften, nurture, and create from a loving space.

Men create safety for women to relax into, and we women respect and admire them in return, so that they feel motivated to go out there and keep working towards their goals.

So talk therapy or couples counselling isn't going to cut it.

To deepen your relationship with the men in your life, you need to understand just three things:

1️⃣ What motivates him

2️⃣ What his predominant thoughts and feelings are

3️⃣ How your energy can inspire him when used correctly

This work has NEVER been so important.

💬I have so many women asking me how to get their man to do x,y, z, or to meet them halfway, or to create more intimacy in the relationship before it completely sizzles out.

💬I have so many women asking how they can help their teenage sons who are clearly unhappy, lacking any motivation to move forward in life, and seem so damn angry all the time that it's like watching a ticking time-bomb.

The statistics for men's mental health are alarming, and despite the social push advocating for more talking, more understanding, more therapy with young men, the stats don't seem to be improving.

At a physiological level, we have to start understanding that the masculine energy has completely different needs than that of the feminine energy.

What your men need right now is to discover their purpose, to create a plan they feel excited by, and to feel respect and admiration from you so that he's inspired to keep building momentum and a life that he's proud of.

Men who feel depressed, anxious, flat, or angry are really feeling that way because they feel directionless, or the direction that they are going in isn't the right one for them and they're not confident enough to change it.

The societal shift in the last 70 years has been hugely beneficial for women, as we've achieved autonomy and independence, but it has left a lot of young men feeling displaced.

For thousands of years, men were the provider and protectors, and they had to fight and prove themselves as worthy so they could win a hand in marriage. They had a clear purpose and a clear motivation. Winning a woman over (and her family!) was inspiration for them to live a better life and to keep striving as a provider. This is biologically hardwired into their DNA, and it hasn't advanced with us as a society.

Now, women are able to live fulfilling, purposeful lives without settling down to get married and have kids... and that means that we're no longer settling for men who don't meet us at our level!

But instead of inspiring men to raise themselves up and grow alongside us, unfortunately society has created this awful reality where everything that was considered 'masculine' has now become toxic, and everything they think they need can be achieved instantly online... Competition? Gaming. Sex? Porn. Dating? Tinder. Love? AI.

They're receiving such a confusing mix of messages online about how to be a better man, what it means to be 'manly', how to avoid 'toxic masculinity', that it's no wonder they feel like they're in a bit of a whirlpool with no clear direction to follow!

In all the men I've worked with, they inherently feel lost and stagnant with their lives... like they're just floating along trying to find somewhere to land and feel needed. They're going through the motions doing what they think is expected of them, without having the confidence to really sit down and look at what would actually bring them fulfilment.

Talking it out in therapy isn't going to help him in the long term... all that will do, is make him acknowledge his own vulnerability, his lack of clarity and purpose, and he'll feel shame and anger at admitting these and feeling 'weak'.

What he needs instead is to find more clarity and purpose... because when he has a clear plan of action that he can work on and achieve success with, he'll start to feel confident in earning your respect and admiration, and only then, will he be able to create that safe space that you so desperately need in the relationship.

The energetic needs of the masculine couldn't be any clearer, and yet society has made it seem so much more difficult than it needs to be.

So how do you help him when you know he's slipping down that perilous slope of anger, resentment, shame or depression?

❤️ First of all, become aware of all the ways that you're showing up in your relationship... are you nagging him? Putting your own expectations on him, instead of letting him create his own? Are you trusting him to make his own decisions and to lead you, or are you trying to control the ship at every turn?

❤️ Secondly, inspire him! Rather than showing up and criticising his every mistake, when was the last time you praised him and genuinely thanked him for his service and his energy, and for being there for you? When was the last time you did something without expectations, purely because you knew it was his favourite thing to do and it would bring him immense joy?

❤️ Thirdly, if you want him to BE loving, intimate, safe and respectful, then you have to work on being that energy yourself first. For real. Create your own self-worth so that you won't accept anything less, and work on using your voice to communicate that standard to him and help him rise to meet it.

But your actions have to align completely with your intentions first, because he will see right through it if you are living out of alignment with yourself and just faking it to 'fix' him.

Feeling completely embodied in who you are and what you need, is a completely different energy than just pasting on a smile in an inauthentic attempt to cheer him up.

This starts by acknowledging our own lack of clarity... when we have a lack of clarity within ourselves we feel confused, and that confusion leads to feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, frustration and resentment. It's the reason why you keep pointing the finger at him, hoping he'll fix his shit so that you don't have to acknowledge your own!

So how do we get clarity?

You put yourself into an environment where you know that you feel safe enough to connect with all of the big dreams you've ever had (but dismissed believing they were impossible), to really let go of all the 'shoulds' from society and your loved ones, and actually give yourself permission to admit to your wildest desires or even just play around with a few ideas until something sparks joy in you.

This is the first step of my Power & Polarity Method and it's the reason why my clients walk away with clarity knowing exactly what they want, conviction that what they want is the right thing for them, and the courage and confidence to start taking action to achieve it.

You have to CONNECT with your own energy, desires, and needs, before you can confidently connect with or inspire anybody else to reach for theirs.

When you know what you want, you feel safe enough to communicate that with others, and then you have the courage to act on it. That's when you inspire others with your integrity and that's when your relationships feel safe enough for everyone to get their needs met authentically.

Haley 🤍