Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause and the solution of the matter

Hey, hi, hello there,

I want to ask you to do something for me. I just need a minute if your time, really. I invite you to take a minute to consider the above quote and think about a problem that you are having in life, big or small, where you have forgotten that you are both the cause and the solution of it.

Often, when we hit a roadblock in life it is easiest for us to sit back and curse the lollipop men who are sitting idle, the dozer who is driving too slowly in front of us, the bridge for collapsing in the first place, and the inconvenient timing of the council's roadworks in general.

I was there and I was feeling it in the last few weeks. It being frustration, resentment, anger, scarcity, and little bit of victim mentality: Why me? Why isn't this happening already?

You see, I've been waiting for the right van to come along since January and I was watching the clock like a hawk. I really wanted to have it before March 24th, so I could road trip down to Sydney for an upcoming concert. I was watching the weather, the date, my bank account, the timeframe in which I realistically wanted to complete my big lap of Aus, CarSales, GumTree, Facebook Marketplace and a few other sites in between. I was spending hourssss on my phone, watching intently so I could jump on the right van when it came up. But the problem was, nothing suitable was coming up. They either had +300,000kms on them or they were three times my price or they were dodgy milk crates and mattresses in the back of what the kids would call a 'pedo van'... and that was not quite the vibe I wanted.

I wanted it so badly. I was visualising it, I was meditating on it, I was journaling on it. It was on my vision board and pinned to my phone screen and yet, it still wasn't appearing and my self-imposed cut-off date was drawing mighty close. I was stuck in a mindset that it was everybody else's fault. I felt as though the responsibility was out of my hands.

I reached a point when writing last week's email, where I realised I had given all of my power away. I was waiting and waiting, getting caught up on the details and the particulars, without actually taking any responsibility for it! You might be sitting there thinking, But Haley, how can you take responsibility for a van when that is out of your hands?

Responsibility means that you intuitively understand that you have an ability to respond to what life gives you.

This Ed Mylett definition is at the heart of taking responsibility for being the cause and the solution of your problems. I heard it on a podcast that I love listening to every morning called 'Quote of the Day'. The host Sean Croxton finds 10 minute snippets of motivational speeches and presents them to you each weekday. This was from episode #1882 Ed Mylett: "It stops with me". As an aside, if you struggle to get out of bed this is a fantastic way to get yourself motivated first thing!

I woke up last Tuesday morning and realised I had stopped responding to what was actually happening in front of me. The van wasn't materialising in front of me like I had hoped for, so what was I going to do about it? Moping around and feeling more frustrated and resentful every day was not going to work- it was the opposite of how I wanted to feel about my exciting year of adventure and trip of a lifetime. So I pivoted. I adapted. I decided to make some phone calls and actually told my dad that if perhaps the van life wasn't going to work right now, I could make alternate plans. I could still travel- I could find a beautiful destination and find somewhere cheap to rent or even work in exchange for board, or even fly over to Bali and live over there for a few weeks to get back my energy and equilibrium. Dad thought Bali was a bit far-fetched, but the more I thought about all of the possibilities and options still open to me, the more excited I became. I journaled that morning and wrote:

I have been sitting in victim mode these last few weeks and it is showing in my interactions with the world... I have chosen to let circumstances and external energies influence me and alter my state of being. Today, I will take back my power...

And that's when it happened. At around 11am I got a call back from one of the vans that I had looked at recently. The owner cleared up a few issues that I had, which immediately catapulted the van into the realm of very possibly the right van. In short, it was almost exactly what I wanted and what it didn't have, I could easily add on. It even had a few features that I had originally hoped for, but weren't super popular so I'd kind of given up on. We negotiated and made a deal in the next few days, and all things going well I should be picking up a few short hours after you read this email.

By radically claiming my responsibility in the matter, by owning that I still had choices, that I was deciding to stay 'stuck' due to circumstance, I actually allowed the universe the provide me as I hoped it would. You might think it's all a coincidence, but the more of this work that I do, the more evidence I am collecting that our energy absolutely dictates our reality.

I may not be able to decide what happens to me, but I can always, always make a choice with how I respond.

When we accept that we are the cause and the solution, we have the ability to make better choices that are more aligned with who we want to be and how we want to show up in life. I want to embody the values of joy, curiosity, and growth and I make a conscious choice every day to re-align myself with these values. I know that it takes time to build that muscle so that it becomes automatic, and in the process I get to cast off the low vibrational feeling of victimhood, frustration, and resentment.

I invite you to consider just one situation life where you could be avoiding the responsibility of the cause and the solution. I wonder if you sat down and tried to look at it objectively, could you come up with one other possible action that you haven't yet considered? Is there another way you get yourself to workout and eat healthy this week? Is there another way you could raise the finances for that desired holiday or a new car? Is there another way you could approach your partner/ friend/ family member, perhaps coming from a place of love not judgement, that would improve your relationship?

If you need some support, if this has spoken to you or triggered you in some way, then please reach out! This is what I specialise in, it's where my skillset lies, and I can help you identify where you could be causing these issues in your life. And better than that, we can decide on a course of action that will help you find the solutions that you so desperately want in life. I still have a free coaching package for one of my subscribers so reach out if you're interested or jump on to my website and book a free discovery call with me to find out what it's like.

It's not about listening to your problems and giving you some affirmations to chant in the mirror each morning, and it's not even about giving you journal prompts (although the practice of journaling is life-changing!), but it is about you reclaiming responsibility for your thoughts, actions, and identity.

When you know where you are, you can begin reprogramming those things so they are in alignment with who you really want to be in life; free from societal expectations and the pressures that we face from family, friends, school, work, finances etc.

I am the person who will lovingly call you out on your BS and then help you take responsibility so you can actually get what you want.

If you want more on travel, then next week is your week! My plan at this stage is head off on Saturday in the van so next week's email is sure to have more travel content. If you want more info on life coaching or on what I'm doing in my business and why, check out my website which has a tonne of information for you ✨

Sending you good vibes, solutions, and joy,

Haley 🤍