Art SHOULD Make Us Uncomfortable

Hey, Hi, Hello from Darwin ☀️

I won't keep you in suspense, I'll dive right into the good stuff this week! Here's exactly why I believe that we need to embrace more discomfort and even pain in our lives:

On Saturday morning I had a yoga class booked. I'm still in Darwin, on my last week of house-sitting. I woke up, I stretched, I read, I let the puppies out, I had some breaky and I got ready for my class. I walked out to the van and put my key in the ignition... and nothing happened. I tried three more times just for good measure, before I jumped online and cancelled my class. I was actually pretty calm about the whole situation and here's why: I knew my battery was on it's way out.

I knew because when I was a little further South and we'd had some cold mornings, I could sense it taking just a little too long to tick over. I had it on my list of things to get checked while I was up here in Darwin, but I hadn't made it a priority, and now I was dealing with the consequences.

Here's where my response might baffle you:

I felt this immense sense of APPRECIATION.

Appreciation that it had happened right now, and the only thing I was missing was a yoga class that I could easily cancel. Appreciation that I was parked in the driveway of the house, and not some random spot in the middle of nowhere with no service! Appreciation because I was prepared: I knew my stepdad had put in a set of jumper leads. I knew they were a big set, which would reach the weird position of my battery underneath the passenger seat footwell, and additionally, that the owner's car was reversed in so all I had to do was put the garage door up and they'd already be nose to nose. Appreciation because if all else failed, I had paid big money for the best roadside assistance available. Appreciation because I was in the middle of listening to Post Malone's newly released album and it meant I would be able to listen all the way through uninterrupted now!

So I jumped it and got the van moving. I drove promptly down to Autobarn and had them replace the battery. Sure, it cost a pretty penny... like a whole week's travel budget for me 🫢 But if that's what it takes to know that my car will reliably start for the rest of my trip, especially as I venture into remote Western Australia next week, then you bet that I'm happily (and gratefully!) paying it.

My morning routine effectively bypassed, I decided I might as well take a day off from my schedule and do something I'd been putting off all week because I was 'too busy' working. I went to the movies and watched 'It Ends With Us', which I had been eagerly waiting for after devouring Colleen Hoover's book earlier this year. And it was... interesting.

I didn't quite know how I felt about it while watching it and I really had to sit with myself afterwards and reflect on it too. For those who have no idea of the storyline, I'll post a little summary here:

Lily Bloom moves to Boston to chase her lifelong dream of opening her own business. A chance meeting with charming neurosurgeon Ryle Kincaid soon sparks an intense connection, but as the two fall deeply in love, she begins to see sides of Ryle that remind her of her parents' abusive relationship. When Lily's first love, Atlas Corrigan, suddenly reenters her life, her relationship with Ryle gets upended, leaving her with an impossible choice.

There are rumours of a falling out between cast members and the directors over the marketing of the film. Which makes total sense and I can see it from both angles. Lead actress Blake Lively marketed the film's themes of romance and hope, while shying away from anything more sinister. The Director and leading man Justin Baldoni, however, wanted to promote the film as a critical message on the themes of domestic violence.

Some critics have responded stating that it is unethical of Lively not to disclose the triggering content of the film, while others have theorised that from a marketing perspective her approach makes sense, because who would want to watch a film with a dark subject like domestic violence?

I promise I'm not going into a critical review of the film here, and there will be a point where I bring this full circle, but this is a pop culture moment where Hollywood superstars have dared to touch on a very real and incredibly nuanced issue and I believe that it holds an important message for us.

The film contains themes of domestic violence, coercion and control from a partner. And I noticed as I was watching it that I kept thinking to myself that her injuries should be more severe, that the physical abuse she suffered at the hands of Ryle didn't quite match that which I had imagined while reading the book. And that alarmed me, that I should feel like her injuries needed to be worse on the screen to justify the plot line.

I think it's really indicative of the fact that as a society, logically, we know that coercion, control, jealousy and manipulation all fall under the umbrella term of abuse, but they're much harder to see, and sometimes I think that is the problem. The subtlety makes it easier to ignore, to justify, to explain away. And I believe that's the exact point that the film wanted to make.

Baldoni and Lively had differing perspectives on this piece of art they had created.

The intention of art, the purpose of art, can be of course for entertainment's sake, but I believe that true art is created to express human experience and emotion, to provoke our own emotional responses and challenge us in some way. To force us to reflect on the parts that touch on our deepest emotions of love and fear.

Which is problematic because most people in today's society don't want to be challenged or made to feel uncomfortable.

It's incredibly important to recognise that this could be very traumatic for women who have already experienced this. I also think it's an incredibly important message for men and women to see even though it might be hard, because 1 in 4 women experience domestic and family violence in Australia. That means people whom you know and love, and it also means a quarter of the women reading this newsletter today.

This film is important because it does provoke conversation. It challenges our emotions and our understanding of relationships. It forces us to re-evaluate our understanding of the insidious damage that emotional manipulation and coercion can cause... and the consequences of abuse which might not be visible on the surface, but which are traumatic nonetheless.

I hope that art continues to create change and spark controversy. I hope it continues to challenge us and push us and make us uncomfortable. Because it's only in the pain and discomfort, that we truly pause and ask ourselves whether we want to stay in a situation or take action to leave it. And that is a beautiful metaphor for life, because when things are comfortable, when they have been ongoing, we resign ourselves to dealing with it as best as we can.

I'm not just talking about domestic violence or even relationships here, but about life itself. So often, we put up with things as they are because we are too fearful of creating change and what might be on the other side of it, or we simply ignore it, bury our head in the sand and hope for the best.

We need art. Just like sometimes we need pain and discomfort to remind us of exactly who we are, and what we're capable of. This human experience can be so beautiful and so heart-breaking at the same time; the sooner we can acknowledge that and lean into the lessons of those painful moments, the sooner we can begin to heal and move forward.

I hope you're brave enough to sit in the discomfort and the pain, and use it to reflect on the transformation you need in your life. I hope you're brave enough to look art in the eye, and to learn from it. But most of all, I hope you're brave enough to heal from it and move forward with the life that you deserve to have.

Haley 🤍